What happens to you when your mind has been stolen, hidden away are the memories of your life? Where do you go and when will you return? Who is there to protect you and ease your fears?
This Thanksgiving was the first time I actually saw the extent of my father's withering mind. He had found himself in a place of confusion that we couldn't help him out of.
Our Thanksgiving tradition had been that the women went bargin hunting on Black Friday and the men vegetated ingrossed in the football games on television. We called late afternoon to check in on the guys. All was well, they had eatten the provided food so we decided to hit one more store before returning home with our finds. Evening had approched and Dad became more and more restless. Evenings are not Dad's best times. That night was worse, by the time we got home he had on his hat and was ready to go home. He had no idea where he was, as I walked him through the rooms of his house and showed him all his treasures he asked me when they moved him to this place and how was he going to get home because he can't drive at night.
He wandered the house flashlight in hand opening every door to see where it lead and what was behind them. I watched him from a distance as he examined the refrigerator, freezer, kitchen cabients and all the closets. He examined each area dilligently, examining everything with great care making sure nothing was left unchecked. I wondered what he was seeing as he searched so intensely. What did the jars of food or bars of soap represent in his mind? Where was he? Was he afraid or just curious?
He wondered most of the night, going from room to room as we slept. He saw him at the bedroom door twice that night. He never spoke a word, just stood in the doorway silently before turning and moving on.
His strong steady stride has been replaced, his body's hunched over and his stride is a weak shuffle. He is weak and frail and I see there is less time. Less time to share, less time to be with Dad. One day he will not know my name.
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1 comment:
First, I had not realized that you started a blog. Second, it is sad to hear of Grandpa's decline. I am sure it is somewhat painful seeing it knowing how strong of a man his was/is.
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